We have been taught to avoid negative people throughout our lives and that we should not accept negative behaviour from others as it creates a bad image for us. They say kindness is important, as being friendly, generous, and considerate helps us to strengthen our relationships and sense of satisfaction in our lives. Celebrating someone you love, giving honest compliments, sending an email thanking someone, telling someone how s/he is special to us, helping an elderly neighbour with yard work or food, taking a photo of someone and sending it to the person, sharing homemade food, refusing to gossip, and donating old clothing and things you don’t need, are all ideas about how we can practice kindness.
Nobody knows the real hardships that other people are going through. That’s the fact we all live with because we hide our own identities from others. We do not reveal much about ourselves and eventually end up pretending to be someone else so they do not judge us based on our mistakes, failures and setbacks. We have never been taught to be vocal about mental health, toxic bonds or sexual harassment in our lives. I think we all face toxicity at some point in our lives where we have felt low because of our own friends or any of our colleagues.
I believe a child can also have a toxic relationship with the mother and vice-versa. Just because they are mother & child, does not mean they can not be toxic in their bond. Toxicity is nothing but a degree to which a substance or a particular mixture of substances can damage an organism. It can be characterized by insecurity, self-centeredness, dominance or control in our day to day relationships because of which we sometimes tend to fall into conflicts and compromise at times. We justify ourselves so much that we forget sometimes that it is not required to apologize for no reason.
Why do we need to talk about toxicity is because most people feel reluctant sharing their personal stories or experiences of having a toxic sexual relationship with a spouse or not being happy with their own parents. This has led to a lot of suicidal thoughts and in fact also have led to depression, anxiety, stress, medical problems and have lowered the immune system of most of the people.
Toxicity can kill an individual from within. They can lose their self-acknowledgement & their self-importance because it leaves an individual with no faith in their own judgement. One no longer believes that they can make sound decisions and everything they think is right. They put themselves to the test. This makes them lose their own ability of being independent in their relationships or decision-making power.
Most of us settle with – ‘chalta hai’, ‘She is my mother or my husband’, ‘I can’t say anything to them or can’t harm them’, ‘This is life, have to settle with this – because life hai, pati hai‘. Because we do not speak out, so many people suffer from depression, anxiety, abortions and mental prolonged illness in today’s generation, as per the research. Main cause is toxicity, which makes us question our own existence. Toxicity can really bring us down and hamper our growth in terms of mental & career standpoint.
Women usually suffer a lot of sexual harassment and toxicity at the workspace where they keep listening to others followed by sarcasm that – Tumse nahi hoga, Yeh project senior ko dedo, Tum maternity pe chali jayogi, break lelo, promotion esse nahi milega, you’ve entered marriage life and so focus on making your life and family. All this has led to major toxicity in our minds and makes us settle for less. We never complain about this and so most people flunk at recognizing toxicity in their relationships with people around them.
Has anyone ever said to you, “you are the mere culprit always. Just because of you, this happens every time” ? This is also toxicity. These are the common instances of toxicity around us which we flunk to fathom. Someone says something to us and we consider it as a piece of advice instead that can be a negative toxic comment having a huge impact on us, leading us to make wrong decisions going forward and questioning our caliber.
If we start recognizing and stop accepting the drama and negative people, doesn’t matters if we have been close to them or we have an immediate relationship with them in terms of children or parents or sexual spouses, this can help us eliminate toxic bonds. We need to comprehend that we need to accept our own existence and that accepting the drama will not make any difference.
Someone who keeps reminding us that we are always like this, we always do this, we can never improve ourselves without even looking at our good side, remove them today and right away from your life. We do not need to have them anymore.
Yes, you heard it right. WE DO NOT NEED THEM. They won’t grow flowers with us in our lives, instead will pull us back one step down. That is why it is so important to eliminate the negative people by understanding they will never make us feel better and so we can socialize more with positive people who bring the best out of us. Another example, I have seen people stop sharing their emotions and thoughts with their partners as they think this is marriage and that is how it works. People accept the way it is working so they have never been able to change their toxic bonds with spouses.
Someone said it rightly, We are incharge of our own lives. If we accept negative people and encourage them, we will never be able to bloom the way we want ourselves. So, when we start recognizing them and start giving them no importance, then we will be able to bring the change and would do exactly what we want in our lives.
The process of learning and unlearning is an ongoing one. If we analyse personal or professional bonds, it helps us to keep our relationships better. We deserve better. Yes, we do. Not making ourselves get trapped in other people’s negative vibes, maintaining our own vibes, thinking positive and investing time in healthy relationships, working on ourselves, acknowledging every little effort of yours and maintaining a proximate distance from negative people by not paying attention to them & communicating well so two people can be on the same page.
Be kind to yourself and kinder to others however make sure people reciprocate us in every possible manner. Do not accept half of anything whether it is underpaid wages or salaries or half love or half partner. They are always meant to be better. We are meant to love someone completely with their imperfections. By not accepting toxic relationships, help us lead a good life. The moment we start accepting good, positive vibes only, we get a good control of our lives and when we are the one’s incharge of our lives, other people’s opinions or views can never become our reality.
It is all the power of our minds, whatever we perceive, we become one. Our thoughts are our beliefs. If we stop focusing on negative thoughts and start manifesting positive, it can have a huge impact in our lives. If we live one life good, then one is enough. By starting to feel gratitude about everything we have, making sure we have a healthy lifestyle & relationships so we can have healthy lives. Self-love is very imperative. When one starts loving themselves, they do wonders in their lives. Nobody has the power to shake their confidence. Love yourself, today.
The views and opinions expressed by the writer are personal and do not necessarily reflect the official position of VOM.
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