While looking at the marriage proposals, his mother said, “I want a daughter-in-law who is well cultured, knows how to cook, respect elders and should be a virgin”.
This is the bitter reality of modern India, where a woman’s virginity is treated as a price position or a trophy. In every era, women have been told how they are the ‘Izzat’ of their family and how they should always be cautious in every situation when it comes to protecting themselves. Different cultures across the world have different opinions on how a woman should dress up, talk, walk, and with whom can she be friends with. The resentful veracity of the situation is that, a woman is always judged within all these parameters instead of her intelligence and smartness.
One of the major roles in judging a woman is played by the mind-set of the people. How she dresses up, with whom she hangs out with, will always raise a question over her character. A woman who is sexually active before her married life, will be labelled with various nasty names. However, for young men and women, sex is no more a taboo as to what it used to be for the older generation. Nonetheless, our society still consists of those families whose perceptions and rules are a little harder on girls. For them, a girl’s hymen is way more important than her inner beauty.
Dr Rajan Bhonsle who is a sexologist says, “The presence of the hymen which ruptures (resulting in the bleeding) is not a sure shot sign of virginity. Some women are born without a hymen, some are those whose hymen is so elastic that it never ruptures and for some, even the slightest activity can rupture it”. Ironically in a country like India, it is completely fine to take dowry but when it comes to a girl losing her virginity, it Is the biggest sin.
The question that haunts me is how hypocrite can our society be. A working independent woman who takes her own decision and makes her own choice of being sexually active before marriage, will face n number of questions. For a woman having pre-marital sex and losing her virginity will put her feet in trouble, as she will face character assassination or maybe according to the society, she won’t be able to marry a decent boy. However, the ironical part is, if that particular marriage leads to marital rape, then not even a single person from society will stand up for the victim. Instead, they will assume that the victim should understand and that, it is a part of a married life. A non-virgin bride is a nightmare for a self-proclaimed decent boy.
When it comes to the prerogative of choices, then a woman always lacks behind. Either in rural area or urban, there are still some families who believe that a woman should not have the freedom to make her own decisions or choices otherwise she will end up causing shame to the family. When women consider their choices and freedom, then the whole society keeps them in the witness box and starts questioning them. A woman losing virginity or having a sexually active history will raise eyebrows and set tongues wagging. The veracity of the matter is that even in the 21st century, where people are educated and liberated, they still question a woman if she is not a virgin.
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